


If Only - A Jeffrey Dahmer AU

by partyhardy (zoobabystation)



Category: Dahmer (2002), Historical Criminals RPF, Jeffrey Dahmer - Fandom, My Friend Dahmer (2017), True Crime - Fandom, True Crime Community, tcc - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Confused Teenager, Crush, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, High School, Jeffrey Dahmer has a bestfriend, Jeffrey Dahmer in an alternate universe, Kissing, Love, Love sees no gender, Male-Female Friendship, Non-Graphic Smut, Not What It Looks Like, Other, Puppy Love, Reminiscing, Serial Killer, The Milwaukee Cannibal, Timeline What Timeline, True Crime, What-If, imaginary, not too much anyway, tcc, true crime community - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoobabystation/pseuds/partyhardy
Summary: A Jeffrey Dahmer AU/Fanfiction in which Jeffrey had a significant other who reminisce and imagine how it could have been different through bits and pieces of their experience.--





	1. S Y N O P S I S

**You have heard of Jeffrey Dahmer.**

But, you have never heard of Catherine Harewood. His best friend and their story. There was once Jeff & Kate. They were friends who grew to love each other and lived happily ever after... or did they?

Up until high school, everything was amazing, the adventures and self-discoveries they went through shaped them to be the person that they are now. But, after that... did it really become better?

Find out what Catherine has to say.

* * *

 **Note:** _I know Jeffrey Dahmer is gay. I am not erasing his identity. You have to read the story until the end to understand. Don’t worry, this story has been pre-completed. I will publish regularly._ _Some details may be changed for story purposes. It is an AU, after all._

 

 


	2. I N T R O D U C T I O N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cast Listings & Playlist.

**CAST/PHYSICAL INSPO/CHARACTERS: **

* * *

  **+JEFFREY DAHMER –** _Himself_

   

**+CATHERINE HAREWOOD –** _Charlotte Casiraghi_

  

 

**_Brief Appearances_ **

**+Lionel Dahmer –** _Himself_

**+Joyce Dahmer** _\- Herself_

**+David Dahmer –** _Ross Lynch_

_**+Lillian Floyd** \- Catherine Deneuve _

**+Paula Bates –** _Pauline Ducruet_

* * *

  **PLAYLIST**

* * *

 [Spotify Link](https://open.spotify.com/user/22kcushksjyfe4dvv5b7dbscq/playlist/34LPpPC06XEqNJhBTQYxUa)

**Echosmith** \- _Cool Kids_  
**Fleetwood Mac** \- _Rhiannon_  
**U2** \- _With or Without You_  
**Red Hot Chili Peppers** \- _Under The Bridge_  
**Sia** \- _Breathe Me_  
**Brandon Flowers** \- _I Can Change_  
**Lorde** \- _Perfect Places_  
**U2** \- _Ultraviolet (Light My Way)_  
**Oasis** \- _Live Forever_  
**U2** \- _Love Is Bigger Than Anything In Its Way_

 

 

 


	3. P R O L O G U E

**COLUMBIA CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION**

**THE VISIT**

**NOVEMBER 1994**

"State your name, please." The officer on duty asked for my identity. As this is not my first time here, I have grown to be familiar with the procedures. "Catherine Harewood-Benson," I said while also getting my ID card out of my wallet, sliding it to the officer. "I am here to see Jeffrey L. Dahmer," I added while preparing the things I need to take out and stored on the counter. You can't just bring random things to this ghastly place. As he was processing some data, the officer quickly looked up after I mentioned the name of the guy I intended to see. "Ah, yes! The usual visitor. How could I not notice? Just a moment, Mrs Benson." He let me wait before I see another officer coming in.

"You will be escorted by Officer Phillips." He guided me along. The so-called Officer Phillips welcomed me kindly. "My name is officer Douglas Phillips, ma'am. Follow me, please." He said as he escorted me along. I followed him through the long corridors, feeling strangely calm as I have been here countless of times. "Dahmer's been talking about you, ma'am." The officer said, casually. "Is that so? That's good to know." I responded plainly. "If he wasn't goofing off with standing by officers, he would talk about a certain Catherine." He added. "Are you close to him here, Officer Phillips?" I asked him, looking up at the man next to me as we kept walking.

"I guarded him a handful, yes." He paused, "Just a few days ago, though. He put up a notice on the board which says, ' _Cannibals Anonymous Meeting Tonight_ '." I almost laughed upon hearing that. It does sound like something he would do. Classic Jeff. "Yeah, that's what I thought too." Officer Phillips apparently noticed, saying it with a chuckle. "We're here, ma'am. I guess you know what to do." He let me into a room with a smile. I nodded and smiled a little as a thank you to him.

 

The conversation can't help but make me think of certain things. I took a deep breath as flashes of scenes and events came rushing into my mind. Things I missed, things I once loved, things I treasured dearly and things I wish could have happened...

**»»-----------------------¤----------------------««**

**REVERE HIGH SCHOOL.**

**THE FIRST MEETING.**

**1976.**

"What's the deal with him?" Paula, my best friend said as she snickered beside me. "I don't know. But, he does this all the time." I said to her, inspecting the behaviour of the blond-haired boy faking seizures in the hallway. A lot of the students form a circle around him, to watch what he's doing this time, laughing at him rather than laughing with him.

It's almost a natural occurrence here in Revere. With this weird-looking boy, who walked with the most absurd posture, doing outrageous stuff and causing mayhem around the school. No one complained though, everyone was either entertained or walked past him and mock along the way. He never showed any reaction to all of it. Not hate nor proudness. He would stop as if nothing happened and just like that, everyone left him.

Today was no exception, Paula was grabbing my shirt to go away but, this time, I want to stay. I want to see what happens after the dramatic scene. "You can go. I need to uh- I need to grab my highlighter. I forgot it's in my locker." I said to her, calmly. She looked at me weird but, dismiss it anyway and walk before me. I turned to make sure she's away before I looked back at the boy. Everyone was gone. It was just him, his messed up bag and his notebooks and papers all over the place. His glasses were still attached to his face but, it was misplaced. He was laying there after finishing his stunt.

I came forward and knelt down, grabbing his bag gently to be near his reach. "You need help?" I asked him. He just looked at me. "I said, you need help or not?" I asked once again, looking at him. "U-uh. N-no." He said, quite simply. Sitting up immediately and practically ignoring me. Trying to get his things inside. "That was pretty wild," I said as I waited for him. His back was facing me. "Yeah." He answered plainly. "Dahmer," I called him. He kept on ignoring me. "Dahmer!" I called him out again. "Yes." He turned and looked at me. For a second I cannot talk and instead inspected his face.

His eyes were, well, there was nothing to it. It was blue, that's for sure. But, when you see him, you just can't make up what's inside. There's nothing to it. But, at the same time, it feels like there's so much to him too. But, I really can't make up what. Then, I look at his nose, his lips and his overall expression. It was straight, it was plain and again... nothing to it. It's like he doesn't even have any sort of emotion displayed.

I gulped and shook my head. Trying to stand up before handing out my hand to him. "Up?" I said to him, quite simply. He nodded and took my hand. "Thank you." He said, with the driest of tone and leave me there standing. Making his way to the men's bathroom.

**

The cafeteria was packed. I sit in my usual spot with Paula. We were accompanied by some friends from English class. Brian, James, Patrick, Lily and Olivia. The three boys were messing with each other, the other two girls were talking to us. "I mean... Steve's quite hot but, I don't think he's my type." Olivia said, continuing the previous discussion about hot seniors. "Alright, this guy's from our year but, what about Jeff Dahmer, hm? Little Miss Harewood here was helping him after his stunt!" Lily blurted out with a laugh. I smack her hand and rolled my eyes. "You were?!" Paula looked at me in shock. "That's why you stayed, wasn't it?!" She was incredibly surprised. I then rolled my eyes again.

"Oh my God, please tell me you are not into that nerd. He has no friends. He's like... insane or something." James said. Brian and Patrick nodded along, with weird looks directed at me. "Please, tell me you are not falling for that creep!" Patrick added. "Shut up, all of you," I said, dryly. "Uh-oh!" Brian mocked me. I glared at him. "Seriously. I was just curious. What was up with him." I explained as I look back down, playing with my pudding. "You know, he's kind of strange, you look at him up close and... there was nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing." I continued, quite seriously. "I'm not joking. His eyes were empty." I ended before looking back up at them.

James snorted. "Just be careful. He looks weird." He said with a kind of douchey laugh before grabbing Brian and Patrick away. "Keep away from the nerd, Kate!" He shouted as he stood up and leave us girls alone. "Seriously? Did you talk to him?" Olivia leaned in, seems genuinely curious. "I tried. He did not talk." I answered. Lily looked at me weird. "Does he seem... normal?" She asked in such a ridiculous way. I sigh, "I don't know anything about normal but, he doesn't seem crazy. He's just... weird." I answered once again. "You seriously need to cut it back, Kate," Paula said with a huff. I nodded slowly.

Then, I saw him. Sitting alone with his lunch bag. Looking down, eating his lunch. It's a miserable sight and I cannot help to find out, yet again. "Excuse me, girls," I said as I grab my stuff and stood up abruptly. "Where are—oh my God, Kate!" Paula called me as she realised where I was going. "Kate!" She called once more but, I ignored her. I felt their eyes on me as I made my way to where Jeffrey sat. Then, I stopped and stood, looking at him before clearing my throat. "Excuse me," I said. He looked up, I cannot read his face. "Yes." He said. "Can I sit here with you?" I asked him but, before he was able to answer, I claim my spot in front of him and settle my stuff.

"Hi. Jeffrey Dahmer. My name is Catherine Harewood but, you can call me Kate. We met earlier. I don't know if you remember." I introduced myself and he kept his eyes on me the whole time. He nodded before responding. "I know." He said, simply. "You do?" I looked at him not believing him. "I've seen you around." He said once again. "So, you know me?" I make sure. "Yes, I do." He confirmed. "And your friend, Paula." He added. I nodded. "That's good then." I continued eating my pudding while we left each other in silence. I looked at him occasionally. "Why are you here alone?" I asked him out of nowhere. "Because I sat here and no one joins me. Until you came along." He said as he kept eating his lunch. "Are you okay with it?" I asked again. "Yeah." He answered, again very plain. "Really? Are you really okay? Cause I have watched you. I'm curious about you." I said to him, a matter of factly.

"Why would you? That's unusual." He said, casually. "I don't know. You stood out. Maybe not in the most conventional way but, for me at least, it became an interest." I tried to explain. "Me or what I did?" He asked once again, fixing his eyes on his meal. "You," I said. He looked up at that. "That's unusual." He repeated his words. "Maybe. But, you can't blame me for trying to make some new friends." I said to him, casually equaling to his vibes. "Friends?" He asked me, now his eyes searched for me. "Yeah, you wanna be my friend?" I asked him, with a small smile. I saw him gulped. He seemed to think about it first before he looked at me again. "Okay. Yeah." He nodded. My smile widened. "Great." I extend a handshake. "Friends?" He looked at me for a second before he extended his hand as well. "Friends." He said before smiling, out of the corner of his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Hope you enjoyed the first part and eventually the rest of the story :)


	4. Only Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attachment.

**REVERE HIGH SCHOOL**

**10 MONTHS AFTER THE FIRST MEETING**

"Can you just like, cut back with Jeffrey a little?" Paula complained as the girls sat down on the floor of the gymnasium, taking a little break from their PE class. "What do you mean?" Kate looked at her as she fixed her shoelaces. "I mean, he's clearly attached to you. All he ever wanted is to be with you." Paula continued on extending her complain. "You don't know him like I do, Paula." She defended him. She needed to. "Are you like... together or something?" Paula eyed her, curiously. "No. He's not ready for that." Catherine said. Paula was about to say something before she interrupted. "And no... I don't mean ready to be with me. I mean, girls in general. He's so clueless." She explained to Paula. "So? That does not mean that you have to defend him all the time." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "That's exactly why I have to." She finally gave up on explaining. "You just... you just don't understand."

\--

_"Okay, so, this is your house?" I smiled at Jeffrey as he led me to his porch. It's been a month since we decided to get to know each other and he had promised to introduce me to his family. "Yes. My parents and my brother should be inside. You'll love David! He's very nice." He said with a faint smile. I nodded and followed him. He opened the front door and escorted me in. We immediately heard some yelling from the other room. I look up at Jeffrey and he sighed before he placed his key on the table, leading me into the living room. There sat David._

_"David, say hello. This is my friend, Catherine." Jeffrey said. I stood next to him. "Hey! I'm Jeff's brother." David said, extending a handshake. "Hey, I'm Kate. Nice to meet you!" I smiled warmly. He just nodded, with a kind expression before getting back to his business. Jeffrey and I sat on the sofa and kept hearing the constant yelling on what I assume are his parents. I looked at him and he was keeping his face straight. "Are they okay?" I whispered, carefully. He looked at me, cautiously. " Yeah. Don't worry." He said before sighing softly. I waited there until some moments later, the argument abruptly stopped and a man shows up. "Jeffrey, you're home!" He said with a tiny smile._

_"Hey, dad." He stood up and I followed him. "Uh, this is Catherine- uh- Kate. A friend of mine." He said, trying to introduce me. "Hello, Mr Dahmer. Nice to meet you." I extended a handshake. He smiled and shook my hand. "Hello. Call me Lionel. Nice to see Jeffrey bringing a girl home." He chuckled and I blushed. "It's not like that, sir. We are just friends." I explained once again. "Please, I told you, Lionel. And that's great." He smiled again. Jeffrey explained to him that he's bringing me here to introduce me to his family. Lionel nodded before sighing. "Well, your mother's been at it again. I suggest you leave her be." He said with a very disappointed tone. "I don't know what is it with her." He mumbled. Jeffrey nodded. "Oh well, is it okay if I bring Kate upstairs?" He asked. "Well, go ahead," Lionel said as he gave his approval._

_I followed Jeffrey and excuse myself from the living room. We get on the stairs and I eyed everything as we made our way. "Oh well, that's David's room and over there is my room. We are going there." He said as we walked. "Alright..." I said, softly. As we entered his room, I noticed the mess. I dismiss it as a typical thing that you would find in a boy's room. Jeffrey dumped his bag and took off his jacket, throwing it away to a chair in the corner of his room. I put my bag down on his desk and sat carefully on the edge of his bed. He joined me there._

_"So..." I looked at him. "Huh?" He looked at me. "So uh... what are we gonna do?" I asked him. "Uh... yeah... uh... I... shit, I don't know." He rubbed his hands together. I chuckled softly. "Oh well, Jeff. It's a very interesting room." I commented as I look around. "Did you pick the colour of the room?" I asked, trying to make small talks. "Uh, no. Not really. It's been like this since we got here." He explained. He then stood up and went on his knees to get something under his bed. I watched him as he pulled out two cans of beers and sit back on the bed. "Want some?" He asked. "Um, no. I don't believe I am allowed to." I said. "Okay." He proceeded to open one and drink it._

_"Jeff? You're not supposed to do that." I said to him. "Yeah? Well, it's nothing, Kate. Really." He said, casually as he kept drinking. "Don't tell my dad. I stole a few." He whispered to me. "Jeff." I looked at him. "What?" He sipped on it again. "You need to be careful." I sighed softly. "Don't worry!" He assured me and I just let him be._

_I then heard a door being slammed and immediately looked out the window. I saw Lionel and Jeff's mother quarrelling in the front yard, expressing explicit remarks towards each other before I awkwardly get back to Jeff's bed and take a good look at him. "It happens all the time. Why do you think I drink, hm?" He looked at me with a sad smile. "Are you okay?" I asked him. "Don't worry about me, Kate. I'll manage." He said as he finished his can and crushed it before throwing it to a small trash can he has next to his bed. He was about to open the other one before I stopped him. "No. Don't." I hold his hand and he just looked at me. "Please?" I slowly grabbed the beer can away. He let it slipped through his hand and sighed before letting me put it away._

_We kept hearing the quarrel going on outside. It escalated so fast and we can just feel the anger from the two people throwing fire at each other and at some point, it was unbearable for Jeffrey to let me hear it. "I shouldn't have brought you here today." He sighed deeply. "Hey, it's fine. I understand." I rubbed his back, he looked at me. "It's a mess, Kate. You shouldn't have to hear all of those." I shushed him. "Jeff, it's fine. Really." I smiled at him assuringly. "I can stay a bit longer too if you want, I don't wanna leave you dealing with that. It kinda sucks." I said as I kept assuring him. "What about your parents?" He asked. "You don't have to worry. My mum's not gonna realise I'm gone." I said as I tap his shoulder in a friendly way. "Thank you, Kate." He said, patting my hand. I nodded. "No, really. Thank you. You're my only friend." He said as he smiled. Which broke my heart._

_\--_

The coach whistled and PE's over. Paula and Catherine quickly get back to change. She kept going and going about why Catherine need to stay away from Jeffrey. "Paula, seriously. I need you to tone it down a notch. He's nothing like you all thought. He's actually quite nice." She said, defending him once again. Paula sighed as she put on her shirt. "You are seriously turning different." Paula yet again complained. "I am not!" Kate rolled her eyes as she grabbed her things. "I will see you later, then," Paula said before leaving her.

Catherine came out of the changing room and headed to her locker. As she was walking through the halls, she saw Jeffrey awkwardly standing in the middle of the hallway before he suddenly shouted, "BLEGGHH!" as he spun himself. People laughed at him and he just let it slide as if nothing happened. She chuckled a little before she approached him. "Helloooo!" She greeted him with a smile. "Kate!" He smiled softly. "Jeff!" She imitated his tone before giggling, he blushed. "So, what's the deal with today?" She asked him as she walked beside him, continuing on heading to her locker. "Nothing much. Derf proposed the idea of a Dahmer Fanclub." He said. She looked at him, "Oh." Was all her reaction. She had no idea on how to react to that. "I see, Backderf?" She asked him. "Yeah, Backderf. He drew me." He said. "Oh, interesting." She said as they reached her locker. She put her stuff in it before taking some out.

Jeffrey was drinking something which she suspected as some type of alcohol. She had given up on asking him to stop because he is always so persistent. "Are you really gonna keep drinking that?" She asked him as she sorted her locker out. "What do you mean? It's coffee." He said in an attempt to be funny. "Uh-huh." She replied in annoyance. "You need to stop at some point, Jeff." She said as she looked in the small mirror on her locker, eyeing him behind her as she fixed her hair. "Okay, at some point. Not now." He said, once again, half mocking her. She sighed deeply and closed her locker. She turned to him.

"I'm serious." She looked at him. "I enjoyed being friends with you, I think you're interesting. But, sometimes you piss the hell out of me with that." She said to him, honestly. He looked at her, gulping. "I'm just saying, Jeff." She added. He didn't answer and just looked at her. She sighed and decided to walk. The school bell rang and the halls were quickly flooded. Everyone was eager to go home.

She kept walking with Jeffrey beside her. As they were outside, walking together, with the usual people watching them as if they are some kind of weirdos, Jeffrey blurted out of nowhere, "You won't leave me, right?" He said, sounding worried. "What do you mean?" She asked as they kept walking, now out of the school grounds and is making their way home. "You seem like you want to leave me." He said before he spotted a trash can and trash his alcoholic-beverage-filled coffee cup. "There, I trash it. Do you still want to leave me?" He said as he stopped walking, which makes her stop too. "Jeff? What is this?" She asked him, confused. "Just say it, will you leave me or not?" He looked directly at the brunette who's shorter than him. "What do you—of course not! Why would you think that?" She looked up at his towering figure. "You said I pissed the hell out of you. I thought you want to leave me." He sighed. "No, I don't, Jeff. I just need you to cut back on drinking. You're worrying me." She confessed. "Well, I am sorry." He sounded remorseful. "Just, please stay." He said, almost pleading. "What- Jeff. Of course! You don't have to worry!" She rubbed his arm. He nodded before adding, pathetically, "You're my only friend."

She gulped at that and sighed softly, looking at his face for a moment before deciding to pull him in for a hug. She held it for awhile and felt him hugging her back.

"Stay. You're my only friend, Catherine." He repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your appreciation! Hope you enjoyed this one :)


	5. Drunken Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He did not know how to react.

**JEFFREY'S HOUSE**

**ON A SATURDAY**

"Come on! Follow me, Kate. I need to show you something I have been working on!" Jeffrey said with a smile on his face, excitedly grabbing Catherine's hand and dragging her to the back of his house. "Okay, okay! Jeffrey, you need to calm down!" She laughed as he was being so giddy. They get to his back porch and went down to a shed, "This is my little happy place." He said to the brunette girl as he unlocked the door. "It's a little hobby of mine. Not many of us do it." He said as he tried to explain. "Oh! Sounds interesting!" Kate smiled as he opened the door and guided her in.

He turned on the lights and she saw jars with stuff she cannot clearly see inside of it. "Woah... what are these stuff, Jeff?" The girl took a closer look, inspecting it all. "Animals." He said, casually. "a- what?!" She looked at him in shock. "Animals." He realised her surprised expression. "No- no. I didn't kill them. They were already dead. Road kills. It's taxidermy. It's- it's normal." He tried to defend himself. "Alright, alright, I'm not judging!" She chuckled a little, making sure that it's fine. "Okay so, what exactly is taxidermy, Jeff? I never really get into it." She asked him.

He took a jar and inspected it as he began to explain. "So, you basically preserve an animal. Like this, this is a squirrel. I got it in the woods. I skin them and preserve them in a liquid in a jar. This is just one of the techniques you can do." He said as he kept explaining to the curious girl. "There is a special liquid to go along with it so it keeps your animal okay and prevented it from rotting and stinking, you know. You can't just dump rubbing alcohol and stuff." Jeffrey said as he showed her the jar of the skinned squirrel. "Do you really have to skin them or?" She asked further. "I don't think you have to but, I have this particular interest of-- of you know, I'm quite curious on what's inside of 'em." He said casually as he placed the jar back.

"How many do you have here? Is it just squirrels?" She asked as she walked and inspect the other jars. "No. It's uh- it's quite a diverse bunch. I got about 15." He said as he let her see some of his works. "You got some skills, Jeff." She smiled as she turned to look at him. "Thank you." He said, plainly.

They found their way back to the house not long after that. Jeffrey's parents are out but, he didn't really wanna elaborate where. David's out to a friend's house so we were left alone. Jeffrey went to grab a bottle of vodka. "Does your parents now, Jeff?" She asked him as he was about to drink it. "I don't know. I don't care to be honest." He said as he took a big gulp of it. "Why do you do this, Jeff?" She asked him again. "It's my medicine, Kate." He said casually as if it doesn't matter that much. "Ever try vodka before?" He asked her. "No. I have never drunk alcohol." She said to him, honestly. "Wanna try?" He offered. "Uh... is it gonna be okay?" She said as she walked slowly towards him in the kitchen. "It will be fine. You got me." He said as he offered the bottle. She nodded and grabbed it before drinking it carefully. "Oh yuck." She gave the bottle back to him. He chuckled.

"Or you can try some beer if vodka's not really your thing." He was amused. He went to grab a can and gave it to the inexperienced Catherine. "Go on. My parents won't be home for a while, you are safe." He said as he kept encouraging her. She sighed and nodded along before opening it and started drinking it. "Quite okay I guess." She said after the first sip. Jeffrey smiled before suggesting themselves go to his bedroom and chill to some music.

They put on Fleetwood Mac's record as they kept drinking. When she finished the first can, Jeff gave her another one as she danced and swayed around with the music. He was on his bed, generally laughing at her, swaying with a can of beer in her hand. The song  ** _Rhiannon_**  came up and she was so in the zone, she started singing along to it as she kept swaying in Jeff's room. He kept watching her while occasionally drinking his vodka.

_Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night_

_And wouldn't you love to love her?_

_Takes to the sky like a bird in flight_

_And who will be her lover?_

_All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind_

_Would you stay if she promised you heaven?_

_Will you ever win?_

She stumbled upon one of Jeff's bag on the floor and laughed as she continued drinking her beer, Jeffrey chuckled on his bed as he was so keen on watching her. "Come on, Jeffrey! Get up! Dance with me!" She grabbed his arm and he reluctantly joined her as the song kept playing. He put his bottle and her can down as he awkwardly put his hands on her hips, in her direction. She put her arms around his shoulders. He looked down at the girl, who was only as tall as his biceps and smiled as she slowly went down and wrap her arms around him. He chuckled as she tried to guide him to dance along with her, he was very stiff at first but, followed through in the end with ease.

" _Rhiannon_..." He softly sang along as Stevie Nicks roared through the chorus. " _Rhiannon_..." She sang along with him and smiled. She went to hug him and he did not protest but, instead hugged her back as he continued to move and lightly sway as the song slowly came to its end. They kept hugging for a while before she slowly let it go and grabbed her can of beer to finish it. By this time, she was starting to get a little bit tipsy. Jeffrey noticed that and when she was about to grab another one, he surprisingly stopped her. "I think it's enough, Kate." He softly said to her as he held her hand and directed her back to his bed instead. She sat down as she watched him grabbing his vodka and taking his last sip for that moment.

He put her cans away to the trash and came back to lay and relax with her on his bed. He laid on one side and she was on the other, he sighed softly as he took his spot. "You're kinda cute." She said, kind of slurring her words. "Huh? Oh. Thank you." He said, caught himself off guard. "I think I like you, Jeff." She said, chuckling as she hugged a pillow. "Oh? Really?" He looked at her, his left eyebrow raising. "Ye-yeah... I think I like you. Very much." She said as she kept hugging the pillow. Jeff sighed softly. "You're kind of dru- well, tipsy. Drunk, nevertheless." He said plainly. "Nah, Jeff. It's the truth." She said softly. He looked at her weird. "Oh.. um." He didn't quite know how to respond.

"You are very different. Like... good... good different. I like that." She said as she drifted off to a sleepy state but, still managed to see him. "T-thanks. I like you too. You're a good friend." Jeffrey said as he realised she's slowly getting sleepy. He slowly, carefully tucked her in. "You need to uh... rest. You can stay here. No way I would let you go home like this. You are staying with me, okay?" He said softly as he placed the pillow comfortably for her. "But, your momma and daddy?" She asked him, starting to sound ridiculous. "Don't worry. Now, just sleep okay." Jeffrey said as he kept watching her sleepily hugging the pillow. "Sleep with me, Jeff. Don't go." She muttered. "I'm not going." He said softly. She slowly moved her hand to hold his. He looked at it before holding it back. "I'm not going, I promise." He said once again, rubbing her hand with his thumb. "Mhm." She responded, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Jeffrey let his hand go from her so carefully. Scared he would wake her up. He then stood up and walked up to close his bedroom door and open his window to let the air come in, closing the curtain a little. After drinking his vodka till it's empty, he sat on the bed again and think. "She likes me..." He mumbled before looking at herself sleeping. "How can you like me, Kate?" He asked himself as he watched her sleep. "How did I do that to you?" He kept asking himself before he decided to join her and laid next to her, he took a careful look at her sleeping face and sighed. "I have things you won't like, it's impossible to like me..." He paused for a moment, "I'll try my best to make you happy." He said to himself as he kept his sight on her. He then took his glasses off, putting it on his nightstand before getting himself under the blanket. Not forgetting to make sure she got a portion of it too, carefully tucking her back in. He sighed as he closed his eyes, distracting himself from the unbelievable revelation he processed difficultly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! :)


	6. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She did not see this coming but, neither did he.

**REVERE HIGH SCHOOL**

**MAY 21ST 1977**

**BIRTHDAY**

"Happy birthday, Jeffrey!" Catherine excitedly exclaimed as she took her spot at their usual table, sitting across from the birthday boy. He smiled shyly through his glasses. "Thank you, Kate." He said quite simply. "So..." Catherine started, dragging her tone a little. "What's the birthday boy got on his plans today?" She asked with a grin. "Oh- uh- nothing much." He answered. "No way! It's the big one-seven, Jeffrey. We need to celebrate!" She insisted, not believing Jeffrey's unbothered response. "Well, I didn't plan a-anything..." Jeffrey looked at her apologetically. "Oh come on, I'll be treating you to whatever you want to order at McDonald's after school, okay? I won't take no for an answer!" She grinned. Jeffrey chuckled softly, nodding along.

For the past few weeks, Catherine has been occupying his mind. Her drunken words had taken over his head. He still can't believe that she, in fact, had an interest in him. He never told her what happened that night and what she said but, he always kept a close eye on her. He knows he can't do much but, in that moment, she became an essential part of him and he wants to keep her safe. Something inside him feels like he does not want to lose her. It's a strange feeling as he had never found himself to be particularly fond of his opposite sex. He was always been very careful and very aware of where he seemed to be leaning into. But, something about Catherine makes him feel different. No, it does not change the fact that he took an interest in the same sex but, he doesn't want her to go away either. She's the only one.

Something about her being with him makes him feel like he's not alone anymore. He does not want that to stop or to leave. He doesn't want Catherine to not be a part of his life.  **He wants her**. But,  _in what way_? These thoughts and others have been circulating in his mind. The way Catherine makes him feel validated, loved and cherished is something he had wished for in a long time. He's  _attached_  to her, that's for sure. She makes him feel like he belonged. He loves that and he loves the fact that she feels like he is good enough. He needed to make sure she knows, he likes her too. Maybe not in the most traditional way, he figured. But, it might make her happy. And if she is happy, then she won't leave him. It's the last thing he ever wanted. For someone to leave him, he doesn't want to be left alone.

"...what do you think, Jeffrey?" Catherine asked out of nowhere. "Huh? What?" Jeffrey looked at her, confused. "You weren't listening, didn't you? You drift off again!" She rolled her eyes. "No- no. What is it?" Jeffrey asked, guilty of being lost in his own thoughts. "I said, I should have a sleepover at your place again. What do you think? Maybe we can drink again!" Catherine suggested, smiling. "Uh- sleepover... sure! Drinking? No. Not for you. Not again." Jeffrey said, protectively. "Oh, you're shielding me away now, do you?" She chuckled. "Alright, I won't drink. But, you have to promise you won't do it too!" Catherine said before she bit her sandwich. "Okay. I promise." Jeffrey smiled. "Including that." Catherine pointed to the supposed water bottle, but, she knew him way too much that that's not what's inside. "Oh come on, just for school." Jeffrey pleaded. "Nope." She shook her head, demanding. "Christ. Okay." Jeffrey scoffs before grabbing the bottle, opening it and walked to the trash can, dumping its content.

She watched as red liquid came out of it. "Wine? Really?" She looked at him, unsurprised. "Yeah." He sighed as he sat back down, closing his bottle and putting it back to his bag. "Happy?" He asked her, looking a bit annoyed. "Much happier, yep." She giggled and messed his hair. Jeffrey laughed as he continued to eat his lunch. Somewhere in the other table, annoyingly watching as her friend had gotten too close to Jeffrey Dahmer is Paula Bates. Anger had surrounded her face, feeling betrayed as Catherine chose to spend her days now with Jeffrey. The weird kid, the nerd, the loser that everyone laughs at. Little did Catherine know, in that moment, Paula is no longer her friend. So does the others that she use to hang out with.

**

The last bell has rung out. Jeffrey and Catherine are walking on the pedestrian walk, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere the day provided after school has ended. Jeffrey walked with his usual posture; slouched forward a little, hands straight on either side of his body, eyes focused on the road and his face plain. Catherine walked beside him, occasionally humming some songs. Jeff kept thinking about whether or not he should tell her about how he feels. But, he decided that should be for later. "You are so quiet, it's scaring me." She blurted out as they kept walking. "Well, what do you want me to say?" He asked, plainly while keeping his eyes forward. "I don't know." She chuckled. "What's so funny?" He looked at her now, confused. "You. You're funny." She teased him, pinching his arm a little. He doesn't seem to be bothered at all. "Why am I funny?" He asked again. "You're just so... I don't know. Different. The way you act. One moment you can be like this, the next you can be unpredictable, faking seizures, shouting, whatever it is you feel like doing." She elaborated. Jeffrey listened and nodded. "I suppose you are correct." He said, plainly.

They arrived in McDonald's, she let him order anything he wanted. "Anything?" He looked at her in disbelief. "How much money do you have?" He asked her. "Enough for you to feel full today. Now, go on!" She pushed him forward a little to queue. He looked at the menu and tried to not be such a burden for her but, still order pretty much what he desired. He ended up with a Cheeseburger, a Big Mac, large fries and coke. Catherine ordered a Quarter Pounder, large fries and also a coke. They went to their table with the food on their own trays. She started chewing on her fries as Jeffrey tried to decide which of the burgers he should eat first. He ended up going with the cheese. "I love McDonald's." He said as he looked at her. She giggled. "I know you do, why do you think I brought you here?" She said as she continued devouring her fries.

"Thank you, Kate." He plainly said. "No need. It's what you deserve." She said with a smile. He smiled back as he kept eating his cheeseburger. She teased him a lot during their time there, just to get him to laugh. She knows that the problems in the Dahmer household have been escalating lately even though Jeffrey refused to talk to her about it. More importantly, because it's his birthday, she wanted him to feel happy and loved more than ever. Jeffrey seemed to notice Catherine's gesture of affection and let her continued on with what she was doing to him, laughing along to her jokes and teases. It makes him feel slightly better, just for today at least.

As they finished their entire meal, Jeffrey can't help but, to burp loudly. Causing an eruption of laughter coming out of Catherine. The rest of the place looked at the teenagers with weird looks but, they don't seem to mind it at all. "Jeff! I can't believe you did that!" She giggled. Jeffrey blushed and tap his tummy. "You told me to order whatever I want and that is the result!" He joked as he grinned in her direction. Catherine found his behaviour to be amusing, not being able to stop giggling. Jeffrey was more than satisfied to see Catherine being so entertained. "Shall we go then?" Jeffrey asked politely. "If you want to, yeah. I have to go back to my place first to get some clothes though." She said as she wiped her mouth with a tissue. "Alright. Will your mum be okay?" He asked her, worried. "She's at her boyfriend's house. It's gonna be fine. She's not that strict on me." She answered, assuring him.

They walked back to her house, arriving there in about 15 minutes. They spent about 20 minutes in the house looking for clothes and Jeffrey grabbed some snacks with Catherine's consent. Since they will have school tomorrow, Kate prepared additional things to be brought in. Jeffrey waited until she's all set and they walked out of her house and make their way to his. They arrived not long after, his father was out but, his mother was inside, with David.

"Kate!" David greeted her warmly. "Hey, Little D! How are ya?" She grinned at the boy. "I'm fine," He paused, eyeing her and spotting her bag. "Why are you bringing that?" He asked her. "Oh, I'm staying with your brother tonight." She smiled before looking at Jeffrey, who was notably plain. David looked at him and smirk. "Are you guys dating?" He asked, dragging his tone a little. Jeffrey looked at him and rolled his eyes. "Shut up, David." He said before the little brother erupted in giggles.

Jeff and Kate made their way inside and was met with Joyce Dahmer, in the living room with a glass of wine. She looked at the pair and greeted them, "Hello, you two." Catherine smiled at her. "Hi, Mrs Dahmer. I hope you don't mind me staying with Jeff tonight?" She asked her politely. For a split second, Joyce was surprised by that and looked at her eldest in disbelief. "You are bringing a girl home to stay with you, Jeffrey? How exciting." She said, aware of her son's supposed shyness and difficulty to hang around with people. "Yes, mum," Jeffrey said, plainly. "Well enjoy, then. Of course, I don't mind, dear. It's good that Jeffrey here has a friend. Just, don't do anything stupid and... stay safe." Joyce said with a little smile. Catherine nodded and smiled politely before Jeffrey pulled her arm to get away from there.

As they made their way on the stairs, she can't help but, to giggle. "What?" Jeffrey asked. "You were so uncomfortable, I can sense it." She said. "Oh." He sighed softly. "We don't need to deal with mum." He added as he made his way inside his room, Catherine followed suit. "Well, that I agree." She said as she put her bags down on the floor and set her things for tonight. Jeffrey awkwardly sit on his bed, watching his female friend sort through her stuff carefully. He again thought about what should he say to her about his feelings and about hers. His confusion and also his efforts to make her stay with him and never having to leave him. She's his only friend and his attachment to her is so strong that he just can't let her go that easily.

"Jeff, may I use the bathroom? I feel like taking a shower." She asked as she turned to look his way. Jeffrey looked at her. "U-uh, ye-yeah. It's uh- you know where it is." He said as he stood up and guided her out. Catherine made her way and help herself in. Jeffrey got back to his bed and sighed deeply, laying on it, taking his glasses off and contemplating on the same thing that's been floating on his mind.

A few passing moments later, Jeff was awoken by Kate poking him. She gave him his glasses so he can see her clearly, he wore it before sitting himself up. "Oh. Shit. Sorry, I fell asleep." He said. Kate giggled. "That's fine, I was just out anyway." She said as she claimed a spot on the bed. Jeffrey inspected her. She was wearing an oversized shirt and shorts that are quite shorter than the usual shorts, he thought. But, that must have what she likes to wear. Her long brown hair was almost damp and she was combing it carefully.  _She must have been out for a little while if her hair was already getting damp_ , he thought. But, she thought of leaving him asleep for a while, how considerate. She kept watching her and the way she took care of herself. She stood up and put the comb on his desk, she was using his comb. She then went to the mirror and inspect her face as if she was trying to find flaws. Checking her undereye, her cheeks and taking a good look at herself before she sighed softly and made her way back to the bed. She turned to look at him and flashed him a smile.

Jeffrey gulped and tried to smile back but, she chuckled a little. "You really are the most awkward person I have ever met." Jeffrey was taken aback by that. "Really?" He asked, worried. "Yeah. But, don't worry. It's not necessarily a bad thing." She calmly said before laying herself next to him. "Good yeah. Um." Jeffrey was visibly nervous at this point. He was still debating himself on whether or not to tell Catherine about his feelings. "Spill it out, Jeff." She blurted out. "What?" He looked down at her. "You want to say something. Your body language says it all." She said, calmly. "Uh-" He sighed softly. "Y-yeah. Actually." He cleared his throat. "Concerning you." He added. "Oh?" Kate quickly looked up at him. "What about me?" She asked as she turned to face him.

"Kate- uh- do you remember when we... we drank...?" He asked her to which she simply nodded, waiting for him to continue. "Well- uh- you get pretty... tipsy and uh... you said... you like me." He looked down, sighing softly. Catherine raised her eyebrow. "I did?!" She sounded like she's panicking. "Y-yeah." He gulped. "I... I was flattered. I'm just... did you mean it?" He asked her, slowly looking back at her. She slowly sat herself up for this and took a deep breath. "I... I do. Yeah. I hope you don't mind." She confessed. He exhaled in relief. "I don't! I really don't!" Jeffrey tried to assure her. "I... uh, what I want to say is that I... I think I like you too." He said, trying so hard to be brave in saying this to her. Even though inside, he was conflicted about the way he likes her. Is it because he's crushing on her or is it because he's afraid to be left alone? He thought about his attractions to the same sex and it's making him even more confused about how he's feeling about her.

Catherine was left in awe. She kept looking at him in disbelief before she looked around his room. "Where do you keep your beer, Jeffrey?" She asked. He was surprised. "Uh... under the bed." He said plainly. She went to grab a can and popped it open before taking a big gulp of it and sighed deeply. "I need to drink to that one, it's a huge deal, Jeffrey." She said, trying to calm herself down. He looked at her and thought that it's unusual for someone to get so nervous about  _him_. She really does like him. "I... I hope you are okay." He said, his voice so soft it was almost like a whisper. She nodded slowly. "I'm more than okay, Jeffrey." She smiled at him before sitting closer to him. He let her be and smiled warmly. He looked at her briefly, she was sipping her beer and appears to be thinking and processing what just happened. He then thought about putting his arm around her, he got so nervous about it and took a deep breath before he decided to went through with it. She was surprised and looked up at him as he held her.

He looked down at her, flashing a nervous, shy smile. She smiled back and laid her head on his shoulder. "It's... nice," Jeffrey said softly. "Mhm." She responded, offering him a sip of the beer. He gladly obliged. He took a sip of it and gave the can back to her. "Have you ever... dated anyone?" He asked her calmly. "I think I did. For about 3 months. Sophomore year." She said, casually. Jeffrey nodded, not wanting to know who it was. "I never dated anyone," Jeffrey said, revealing himself. "Really?" She asked, going over him to put the beer can on the nightstand before going back to his arms. "Yeah." He sighed before continuing. "Do you uh... do you wanna date me?" He asked her, it took him a great deal of bravery to get those words out of his mouth. He needed her.

She chuckled softly before hugging him. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Jeffrey's heart was beating fast and she could feel it, she hugged him tighter to ease him. "Well... I'm... Jeff... Jeff Dahmer. You know." He said, hinting at his reputation in school. "Yeah, so?" She said, not caring. "Just, don't worry about it, Jeff. If they talk shit about me, I'm gonna deal with it. Plus, I would like to think Derf and his Dahmer Fanclub would be very proud of you." She tried to cheer him up. Jeff smiled a little. "Ha. Yeah." He responded. He found himself rubbing circles on her back and she loved it. She kept hugging him.

They stayed like that, embracing each other. She could hear him easing himself slowly, his heartbeat went back to normal. They were comfortable in each other's arms, listening to each other's breathing. Processing the fact that they just gave themselves away to each other. Jeffrey laid his head down on hers and breathe calmly, enjoying this little moment they have. "Thanks for being here for me, Kate," Jeff said, softly. "No need to thank me, Jeff. I enjoy your company." She said as she rubbed his chest. Jeffrey lifted his head slowly, she looked up at him, inspecting his facial features. She then sat up a little, smiling at him.

He blushed, he had never been admired like this before and he was so nervous to deal with it. Catherine eased himself, rubbing her thumb on his right cheek softly. She went up to brush his hair, fixing it in place. He smiled at her gestures, allowing her to do what she's doing. "Have you ever kissed somebody, Jeff?" She asked. He shook his head, looking right at her. She smiled still. "Close your eyes." She softly ordered him. He was about to question her before he decided that it's easier for him to just went through with it, closing his eyes slowly. Catherine took a deep breath before she leaned forward, cupping his face, closing her eyes before her lips collided with his. She kissed him slowly, making sure that he feels comfortable. Seconds after, she felt him kissing her back with carefulness, his lack of experience can be felt but, she doesn't mind. She kept kissing him as he tightened his wrap around her. As she let go of it slowly, she can feel his heavy breathing, both of them exhaling after what seems like minutes.

Jeffrey fixed his glasses, he licked his lips, processing what just happened. He had his first kiss but, more importantly, he had it with  _a girl_. Something he never thought he would do. Catherine blushed and quickly snuggled herself up into his arms. The flustered boy looked down at the girl who admired him, smiling proudly to himself for dealing with his nervousness and went through everything, although internally struggling, with ease. He let herself be comfortable in his arms, holding her protectively before leaning down to kiss her head. Laying together, both of them feeling happy and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Thank you for your appreciation! :)


	7. Now You See Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's getting hot in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning available later in the beginning and end of the scene if you don't want to read that.   
> Thanks for your appreciation! :)

**THE DAHMER HOUSE**

**JUNE 1978**

**LEFT ALONE**

As the brown haired girl woke up, she found herself alone in the bed she shared sleeping with Jeffrey. The boy had insisted on her sleeping with him during the days she stayed at the house in which he has now been left to live alone. His parents had split up, divorced. Lionel Dahmer had gone to stay at a motel and Joyce, along with David, had somehow left him there. Technically, Jeffrey is an adult, having his 18th birthday the previous month. But, Catherine thought the decision to left him was reckless and absolutely wrong. Graduation is soon but, prom is very near and she wanted to help Jeffrey to prepare for everything as it seems like no one around him cares about him anymore.

**

_After explaining his situation at home, Jeffrey found himself dealing with an angry girlfriend. Though not at him. "What the fuck, Jeff? What the actual fuck?" She exploded in rage. "Don't- Okay. I insisted on staying. She can leave. That's fine." Jeffrey said, seemingly backing up the mother that left him alone in the damn house. "This is unacceptable!" Catherine was in fury. How could someone just left their child like that? She was trying to make sense of it all. "I know- I know. Just... calm down." Jeffrey said, beginning to sense that people were staring. They were standing in front of her locker, about to go home from school. She groaned. "I will come and stay with you. I don't care." She said as she closed her locker, angry. "But, your mother?" He asked, concerned. "She loves her boyfriend more than me, okay. I don't have to worry about that. Besides, my father sends me money all the time. So, we can live." She explained to him as she grabbed his hand, forcing him to follow her out of the school._

_"But, Catherine—" Jeffrey tried to argue with her about her decision. "NO! Okay. There's no way I am leaving you alone like that, Jeffrey. That is fucking sick!" She kept on being angry as she held his hand tightly. Jeffrey cannot do anything besides letting her be. "Okay but, can you please calm down?" He asked, nicely. Catherine stopped, holding his hand still. "I seriously cannot." She sighed deeply. "What she did is fucked up, Jeffrey." She tried to justify herself. "I know, Kate. But... I am technically an adult now." He tried to explain. "Yes but—" She paused. "But, I don't think that's right." She sighed, thinking about how Jeffrey is not at all emotionally ready for something like this. Jeffrey sighed softly. "I know..." He said, not knowing what to do. "Just—Let me stay with you, okay? Please." She begged. He looked at her and thought about it for a moment. "Well, I can't see any problem. Okay, then." He accepted. Catherine smiled a little before giving him a hug which caught him off guard. She knows they don't typically do affectionate gestures in public but, she doesn't care this time. Jeffrey seemed to just let it slide and hugged her as well, lightly rubbing her back. "Alright, let's go then." Jeffrey slowly let go. They walked out of the school together._

_**_

It is now her fourth day staying here, and she doesn't want to leave. Fearing that the guy she's currently in relations with might break. Since keeping him company, he had been very appreciative. Catherine would take care of him, cooking and helping him resorting the house. Telling him, in hopes of cheering him up, that he can do anything here now as he is practically the owner. He would cuddle her at night, hugging her and, strange but, asking her to let him lay his head on her chest to feel her heartbeat. She didn't question him and just let him be. All she wanted for him was to keep him protected and loved.

She looked to her right side and saw that his side of the bed was messy and not warm anymore. He has been up for some time. She decided to get up and made her way downstairs. Only to find Jeffrey's not there. She walked around the house, searching for her boyfriend, whom she had been dating for about a year now. During the course, Jeffrey had been nothing but, a caring person. He doesn't show too much affection in public but, he sure does show it in private. Smooth talking, making her feel like she's the only one that matters. The guy has some talent and way with words, that's for sure.

"Jeff?" She called him. "In the back!" He shouted from the back porch. She walked towards where he was and found him shirtless, lifting weights. "Oh wow, I could get used to seeing this every morning." She chuckled, teasing him. Jeffrey looked up, visibly blushing and giggling at her remarks. "Well, thanks." He answered as he kept on lifting. She looked at the table not far from where he was standing and sighed. "Really, Jeffrey? In the morning?" She asked, hinting at the Vodka bottle. "I ate some sandwich before," Jeffrey answered, defending himself. "But, I thought you promised—" She was about to express her concerns about his drinking when he cut her off. "Leave it. Okay. Just... don't." He sighed. Pausing for a moment from lifting the weights. "I am trying. Just—" He tried to justify himself. "Alright... whatever suits you." Kate sighed deeply before leaving him there, annoyed.

She went to the kitchen and started making breakfast for herself. Making scrambled eggs with cheese and frying some sausages. She was the one who bought all the food since Joyce Dahmer had recklessly left the house with no means for Jeffrey to stay alive. Jeffrey sensed his girlfriend's annoyance towards his reckless drinking problem and felt bad. He decided to stop working out at that moment and came in, trying to make her feel better. He found her in the middle of scrambling eggs. He decided to take a seat on one of the chairs at the island table in the kitchen.

"Catherine..." He called her. "Leave it, Jeffrey." She responded immediately, not in the mood. She kept cooking and Jeffrey watched her silently. After she finished setting the food for herself, she took a seat on another chair at the island table. Jeffrey kept on observing her, thinking about how to get her to ease up a little. "Catherine... Baby..." He said, softly. He rarely called her with an affectionate nickname, heck, he never really did that. But, he's willing to do anything at this moment. He's got this worst-case scenario of her leaving him on the back of his mind and he's scared shitless. He doesn't want anyone abandoning him, _again_. She sighed, noticing his attempt at calling her affectionately. "Yes." She replied.

"I'm sorry." He apologised. "Sometimes, I just had to, you know. It's been very hard." He confessed, touching on the subject of his parents leaving him. "I had to deal with it somehow. Like I said, the drinks are my medicine." He kept on explaining. She sighed deeply. "I just don't think it's healthy for you to do that. Cut back a little." She said as she played with her food. "I know... sweetheart. I am sorry." He said, again, attempting to win her over with the affectionate nickname. She sighed softly. "Alright. Okay." She accepted, feeling sorry for him. He smiled a little before moving to sit closer to her. He kissed her cheek. "Thank you." He said before continuing, "You made me very happy by staying here, Kate." He kissed her again. She turned to look at him. "It's what people do when they care about each other, Jeffrey. They look out for one another." She said before giving him a peck.

**

"You make delicious dinner, Kate. Like, seriously." Jeffrey said as they made their way upstairs. She giggled. "I tried my best!" Jeffrey smiled and held her waist. He did have some drink during dinner in which Catherine didn't try to stop to prevent arguments, she thought maybe he will cut back slowly. She still kept an eye on him and tried to limit his consumption as minimum as possible. At this point, he could be addicted if not prevented but, also could be exploding if confronted. It is one of his major problems. His drinking tonight had also resulted in him being goofy with her after dinner. Poking her, kissing her neck and overall being playful. As he was holding her waist, she can feel his grip to be somewhat different, like he's claiming her to be his possession. Something about it sent shivers down her spine. Jeffrey is being completely different tonight.

"Jeff, I need to go change for sleep okay? You go to the bed first." She said, slowly letting him go. He moaned in frustration. "Nooo... Come on... don't leave me!" He is being ridiculous. "I'll meet you in bed, Jeffrey!" She laughed. He rolled his eyes before going inside his room. She went to the bathroom. She had taken a loose shirt that she always wore to sleep and let off her pants, leaving her only in her underwears. She put the shirt on and keep it that way as she always does. When she made her way outside and into Jeffrey's bedroom, she found him laying on the bed with only his boxer shorts, being shirtless. This is actually nothing new, as he slept this way. But, why was he holding a Polaroid?

"Jeff?" She looked at him. He was smiling—no, smirking. "You look good." He said, simply. "I have been wearing this to sleep with you every day since I stay here, Jeff but, thanks for noticing it now." She joked. He shook his head. "You look good but, the shirt is distracting me." He said. This is so unlike him. "What do you mean?" She asked, still standing near his now closed bedroom door. "Do you see me wearing any? No? That's what you should do." He said, although he sounds confident, he was visibly blushing and chuckling softly.  _It's the alcohol_ , she thought. "Catherine... I... I have never seen you—or any women naked before." He said a matter of factly. "Well, I just thought... you know." He said, suddenly being calm and not overly flirty. "Are you drunk?" She asked, shaking her head in amusement. "Possibly. But, these thoughts... I have been having for quite a while." He said.

"What thoughts?" She asked, walking over to him slowly. She  _knows_  what are the thoughts. She has them too. "You know... let's just say, intimate, thoughts." He said. "Tell me more..." She said, making her way to the bed. "Well, I—this fantasy, I have this fantasy of... taking some pictures of you with—with no clothes on. I have never seen you without them and... well..." He gulped, smiling shyly. "Do you wanna...?" He asked, hinting at his Polaroid. Catherine chuckled softly, before crawling on the bed. She sat in front of him, taking a deep breath before she slowly put her hands on the ends of her shirt and pulling it off of her. Jeffrey gulped. He's been acting confident but, inside, he was nervous. A girl. It's a girl doing this to him. He thought a lot about having sexual activities but, not one of them he thought he would be doing with a girl. And yet, here she is. In front of him. She's his girlfriend, whom he dated out of curiosity and fear of loneliness and abandonment. He had grown to be very fond of her, don't get him wrong. But then... here she is wearing nothing but, her bra and her underwear. It is all so intriguing and so new to him. It is exciting.

He looked at her, taking all the sights in before he snapped a picture. He gulped, setting the finished picture aside before taking another one and another and another. He slowly tried to explore her, asking her permission by looking at her. She knows and nodded, smiling shyly. It is her first time being like this with someone. She's nervous but, she's trying hard to remain calm and collected. Jeffrey rubbed her arm softly, moving it slowly to undo the bra strap, trying his best to be soft before slowly unhooking them. He inhaled deeply before he went back to the front to see what it reveals. He was astonished to see her naked with only her underwear left. He took yet another picture and this goes on for a while, the picture taking. Telling her to pose in some way and he liked ht fact that she obliged. He was in control. He then stopped to collect himself after a while, sitting in front of her with the finished pictures on his hands. Looking through them one by one before putting them and his Polaroid on the nightstand. Catherine looked at him, smiling shyly.

**_**SMUT WARNING**_**   

"It's... interesting, isn't it?" She asked. He nodded slowly. She crawled to him, he let her do so. She slowly made her way up to his neck, kissing him softly. "I have some thoughts too, Jeffrey..." She whispered, as she slowly kissed him. His breaths had gotten heavy. Jeffrey slowly laid himself on the bed, letting her do what needs to be done. He wanted this, he wanted to know and experience this. He wanted to be one with her, then there's no way she would leave him. He kissed her as she reached his lips, his hands travelled down her body. Curious about what he would feel. She led him, making him touch and feel her breasts. He did, grabbing them excitedly as they kept colliding with kisses. Moans escaped the both of them as the room slowly feels like it's heating up. Breaths were out of control, it was unimaginably sensational.

He decided to take charge and held her waist, switching his position. Laying her down before getting himself on top of her, returning the neck kisses she'd been giving. Only his was more sloppy and determined, going down slowly to her chest before landing on her right breast, sucking it, feeling how her aroused self reacted towards him. Her moans were a delight to him, making him wanting more. He slowly traced down to her underwear, making eye contact with her, asking her for approval. She nodded and he slowly took them off, exhaling on what was revealed in front of him. This is all so new and exciting. He felt strangely getting aroused more, the hard growing pain he felt was unbearable. He attacked her once again with kisses on the lips, sloppy yet passionate as he tried to undo his own boxer. She felt him struggling and helped him.

Once exposed, he took a second to release the kiss and look at her. She was breathing heavily, her eyes were obviously directed towards his hard member, he blushed. "Protection." She said, in the midst of lust, he had forgotten one thing. He nodded before rushing to the former bedroom of his parents searching for any hint of condoms. He found one in a nightstand drawer, praying that this is well enough to use because he can't contain it any longer. He ripped it open as he rushed back to his bedroom, the brunette laying helplessly for him. Putting the condom on, he got back on the bed, spreading her legs, looking at her with lustful eyes. "You sure?" He asked, breathing harshly. She nodded, "Hurry..." She said, almost pleading.

He gulped before slowly positioning himself. He started thrusting slowly, keeping his eyes on her. She closed her eyes, feeling him. A soft moan escaped her lips. He sighed deeply before continuing. He thrust some more, for a while, finding his pace. After a few more thrusts, they found their rhythm. Lustful moans came out of both of them. Losing themselves in heated, passionate movements. Holding on to each other, loving each other and for a moment, nothing in this world could keep them apart. " _Fuck_ ," He cursed, looking down at the girl he's making love with. She was in ecstasy. " _Shit_ , Jeff!" Her pleading voice was almost too unbearable for him to hear and it makes him eager for more. His thrusts became harder as they go by. Her hands travelled all over his body, claiming him. Jeffrey started to feel like he was above the clouds. The sensation was wonderful, truly, unexpectedly wonderful.

As they reached their climax, he groaned, feeling for a second as though nothing else feels better. She moaned into his ear, letting him know that he caused all of the pleasures she felt tonight and that there's no one else but  _him_. Collapsing on top of her, Jeffrey found himself out of breath and in shock. A delightful shock. He laid himself on top of her, chest to chest. Kissing her softly on the lips as if to thank her for giving him a delightful experience. She held him tightly. Both trying to regain their composure.

**_**End Smut**_ **

As minutes went by, they found themselves to be sweaty, relaxed and happy. Jeffrey laid next to Catherine with her on his arms, her back against his chest. He held her tightly, placing his chin on her shoulder, kissing it softly. She exhaled, feeling his warmth against her body. Smiling softly at the thought of what just happened. She was in love. "Catherine..." Jeffrey called on her softly. His slight hoarse voice was  _to die for_ , she thought. "Mhm..." She mumbled her response. "That was... I love that." He said, calmly. "You're not the only one..." She replied, relaxed. "Thank you..." He said. "No need, Jeff." She chuckled softly, kissing his hand that was holding her front.

He exhaled deeply before giving her head a kiss. "Oh... Catherine..." He called her once again. "Yeah..." She answered. "I have something to ask you..." He said while holding her tightly still. She waited for him. "You wanna go to prom with me?" He asked, before chuckling softly. She giggled. "This is the best promposal ever." She expressed, impressed. "Of course, Jeffrey. Absolutely." She slowly turned to face him, smiling. Kissing him softly before getting back to cuddle up with him. He gladly held her, looking down at her, smiling. His cheeks were red, his hair was messy, all from the rigorous activity but, he was calm and relaxed and she loved seeing him this way. He kissed her lovingly before pulling up the blanket to cover their naked self. "Good night, Kate." He said, with a sleepy voice. "Night, Jeff." She responded, closing her eyes.

This night was completely magical.


	8. Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He attended!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao you guys, I know the photoshop quality for the JeffxKate prom pic is shit and I tried too hard but, I was trying to make the quality shittier because the original photo itself is shitty. But, also, it was 3 am when I did the thing. Lol. Hope it gave you all some laughs though.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!

**REVERE HIGH SCHOOL**

**SENIOR PROM**

" _Come on, Dahmer! Get your girl on the dance floor!_ " Some boys teased Jeffrey as he stood awkwardly near the fruit punch table. Catherine was beside him, chuckling at the remarks thrown by the other prom-goers. Understanding that her boyfriend needs time and had to collect himself, bracing himself for such actions. She looked up at him, standing tall in his white dress shirt, smart black trousers, a vest and of course his bow tie. An unusual choice to go along without a suit. 

She was being easy on him tonight. He was very awkward and nervous from the beginning. When he came to pick her up at her house, he seemed calm. But, his nervousness was showing when he tried to put on the corsage on her. It also shows when her mother had asked for a picture of them both, he stood stiff, showing little expression. Standing close enough to her. Feeling shy to show any kind of affection towards her in front of her mother. This is funny to her, because of what they did just a few weeks prior. He's a man now, a man who made a woman out of her. But, he only showed that side of him in private. He never once wanted to show affections in public unless she made him do.

**

_"Just a second!" Catherine's mother came to answer the door after Jeffrey had rung the bell two times. The boy stood tall in front of her. His blond hair was combed nicely, he looked neat. The woman smiled at him, letting him go inside to wait. "Kate will be out in a minute. You're a good-looking man." She complimented him. To which he smiled, shyly. "Thank you uh... Mrs Harewood?" He said, unsure. Her marital status got him confused. "It's back to Ms Lillian Floyd now. I am not married to Mr Harewood, anymore." She said, correcting him. "Oh, I'm sorry Ms Floyd." He said, gulping. "No, it's fine, boy. It got mixed up all the time." She said, finishing her cigarette before walking away to check on her daughter._

_"Your date is here, Catherine Alice Harewood! Hurry up!" She yelled. Unusual choice to call her by her full name, he thought. Shrugging it up in the end. "Just a sec, mum! I am not pretty yet!" Catherine yelled back resulting Jeffrey to chuckle. Lillian noticed, amused. "She's quite an amusing girl, isn't she?" She asked him, sitting on a chair opposite him. "She can be, yes," Jeffrey answered, plainly. "She's delightful, though." He added, trying to impress. The mother smiled. "Yeah, she's a good girl. That one." Smiling at her words. "You take care of her, Jerry." She said. "It's—It's Jeffrey, Ms Floyd." He corrected her, nervously. "Oh, sorry. Jeffrey. You take good care of her, alright?" She said, looking at him. "I will." He nodded._

_Catherine walked out in her dress. She was wearing a thin strapped, sleeveless dress with flowery details. She had put her hair on a simple updo and lightly apply makeup._   _She smiled as Jeffrey caught her eyes. "Now, I look pretty decent, right? Tell me I do. I spent hours." She said, joking. Jeffrey stood up and smiled a little. "You look good." He said, coming up to her with the corsage in his hand. "Uh... let me." He said, carefully approaching and afterwards trying to put on the corsage on her. She chuckled lightly as he was clearly struggling. Ended up helping him, he sighed in relief when she does so. He looked at her, smiling as she tried to fix his hair in place._

_"Alright, lovebirds. Time for a picture!" Lillian said, grabbing a camera before dragging the teen couple outside. Setting them up for the picture. Jeffrey gulped and looked down to his left, to Kate. He was searching for assurance. She noticed and nodded at him. "Go on, pose!" Her mother said as she got ready to take the picture. The both of them stood still, posing slightly before Lillian took the much-anticipated picture. "Alright. We got it. Now off you go!" She shoos them off. Catherine chuckled as she held on to Jeffrey's hand, making their way to his car and letting him drive the both of them to the venue._

**

"Jeffrey, come on, let's dance!" She smiled at him. He looked down at her, gulping. "Uh—alright..." He said, reluctant. She didn't care and grabbed his arm anyway. He followed her to the dance floor. Coincidentally, the song switches to The Bee Gees' How Deep is Your Love. Catherine lit up at this and quickly held Jeffrey. He positioned himself for a slow dance with his girlfriend. He sighed softly, nervous still. She assured him that everything will be fine.

"See, this is nice..." She said, looking up at her date. "Yeah... Apparently." He said, plainly. "Come on, Jeff. Cheer up a little. It's prom!" She whined. He sighed softly and flashed her a forced smile. She rolled her eyes. "You're cute, Jeff." She said, mocking him. "Thanks." He sarcastically replied to her. She sighed and decided to let it go, not wanting to argue and instead continued to dance. Even though Jeffrey was hardly trying. As the song finished, she went to sit on one of the chairs near the punch table. "May I be excused for a second?" Jeffrey asked as he stood near his date. She looked at him and nodded, thinking perhaps he wanted to go to the bathroom. Jeffrey quickly walked out. Unbeknownst to Catherine, Jeffrey was leaving the school instead.

Jeffrey was fed up with prom. Not Catherine. He just felt like the whole thing was ridiculous. Sure, he loves having Kate around and dancing and all that. But, honestly, he's not really in the mood. The whole thing was awful for him. He tried so hard to not be annoying to her. Even debating himself while he was thinking to leave the place, leaving Kate alone in there. Ultimately, he decided to leave. Mean? Perhaps. But, he really can't deal with that right now. He decided to go to McDonald's instead, treating himself to some cheeseburger and fries. Now, this is better.

Meanwhile, Catherine was left alone. Wondering where Jeffrey went. After more than 20 minutes, she was convinced that Jeffrey had escaped, bolted out of there leaving her alone. She was so annoyed and angry. She decided to enjoy the rest of the night and not to worry about Jeffrey leaving. Drinking her punch and have fun with a bunch of other people, goofing off and laughing. Having a blast.

Outside, Jeffrey was struggling to get inside. He was not being let back in because he was under the suspicion of bringing alcohol back to the place. He waited for almost an hour, to convince everyone there that he was just simply gone to McDonald's. He even showed the proof, a brown McDonald's lunch bag. After a lot of convincing and desperate persuasion, they let him back in. He immediately searched for Catherine, with no success. He looked for her around the room before finally spotting someone that looked familiar, in the corner, talking with a few people. Laughing their asses off. He sighed deeply.

Walking awkwardly towards the area, he held on the lunch bag for dear life. A boy noticed him walking towards them, poking Catherine, noticing her of who finally decided to show up. She turned to look at him and sighed deeply before looking back at the other kids, mouthing something at them. Jeffrey gulped, stopped his walking just a few steps away from them. He looked at Kate carefully. She walked over to him, her facial expression indicate annoyance. "Kate—" She cut him off. "Do you think it's okay to just leave me alone here, Jeffrey Lionel?!" She exclaimed before walking away from here to the punch table, pouring herself yet another one. "No, but—" He was about to explain when she cut him off again. "Leave it. Honestly. Just leave it. I had a great time without you anyway." She groaned as she started drinking. He sighed deeply and showed the McDonald's bag. "I was just going to McDonald's..." He said, pathetically.

"For more than an hour?!" She asked him, angrily. "Look, I got held up in the front. They thought I was bringing back in some alcohol!" He tried to justify himself. "I tried to go back as fast as I could. I was really nervous so—so I decided to go out. You know, get some fresh air." He said, making excuses. "Then you just randomly go to McDonald's?" She questioned him. "More or less... actually... yes." He said, licking his lips. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm back now, though..." He tried to reason with her. She sighed and sat down on the chair. "You're so annoying sometimes." She mumbled to herself. Jeffrey heard that and sat next to her. "I think I know that..." He said, sadly. "You should have just told me, Jeff. I really thought you ditch me here. I was so angry." She said. "I figured you would be. Sorry." He said, looking at her with plain expression.

"How about... we get out of here together?" He suggested. She looked at him. "Actually, that might be a good idea because... this punch is nasty." She said, putting the glass away. "How many of those have you drank, Kate?" He asked. "I don't know. 10?" She tried to remember. "Maybe more. Christ." She shook her head. Jeffrey laughed a little. "My Goodness..." He was genuinely amused. "Let'ss get some ice cream or something, my treat," Jeffrey suggested, trying to bring her mood back. She looked at him funny. "You're being so nice... strange." She squinted her eyes in mock suspicion. Jeffrey rolled his eyes. "What? I can't be nice to the prettiest girl in the room?" He said, lowering his voice a little so that she's the only one who can hear him say that. "I mean..." She blushed. "You can but, you shouldn't have left me alone, Jeffrey Dahmer." She giggled. Jeffrey chuckled. "I'm sorry, alright! Now let's get out of here!" Jeffrey stood up, grabbing her hand and lead her out. Both of them giggling.

It was a hilariously good night in her memory.


	9. Abandonment & The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wonders.

**THE DAHMER HOUSE**

**WEEKS AFTER PROM**

**MORNING AFTER A LOVELY NIGHT**

Jeffrey woke up to Catherine still snuggling, naked in his arms. A blanket covering half of her body, her left leg was sticking out. Her arm was loosely placed on his abs. The blanket reached her chest but it only reached his torso due to the height difference. He sighed softly. Last night was again, a very lovely night spent making love. He looked over at her sleeping self, thinking how lucky he was to be able to have someone so beautiful yet so caring like her. Thinking about graduation makes him nervous. He wondered about what role Catherine would have in his life later on. He hoped she would stay in his life and never abandon him like the rest of them. He's so sick of living alone, doing everything alone and be lonely.

He slowly stroke her hair, uncovering her face. She is very beautiful. She took care of him last night and he loved how she spent her time mostly worrying about him. Not that he wanted to bother her with worries but, it's good to have someone paying attention to you and your well being. Gosh. What would he do without her? He shifted himself a little, careful so he won't wake her up. He kept her up all night, it's wise to let the girl rest in the morning. He exhaled deeply, admiring her features. Her closed eyes, her nose, her plump pink lips. It's so fascinating to see these humanly features. Stroking her arm lightly, he wondered what it feels like to wake up to someone like this every morning. Maybe it felt this amazing? Just knowing that for every time you wake up, there would be someone who loves you.

He knows that marriage is not something he looked forward to, due to the fact that his parents' were a disaster and he doesn't want that for himself. But, what if he decided to do it anyway and most importantly, with Catherine? Because he can't seem to imagine any other person willing to do that with him. Would she even consider it? What about kids? Would they have one? These thoughts kept showing up in his head. He was so conflicted. He wanted someone like Catherine to have and to hold every day for the rest of his life. But, he cannot lie to himself. His feelings and sexuality towards a girl are quite... let's just say, non-existent. Catherine is an exception. He wanted her to feel happy so she wouldn't leave him. He was willing to do everything he can to keep her with him. Even if it meant faking his own preference and actually do anything every normal couple does. Like having sex with her for example. Don't get him wrong, it was pleasurable and Catherine was amazing. He enjoyed it but, it's just... well, it's so hard to describe. He's confused about it himself.

He looked down to where her chest is. She was breathing softly, her chest went up and down slowly. It's so fascinating. He wanted to feel her heartbeat again. It calms him. He slowly went down and laid his head carefully on her chest in between her exposed breast. Slowly pulling the blanket off of her chest area. He sighed softly, relaxed on her. Listening to her beating heart, closing his eyes, feeling her. He held her close, kissing her body softly. He placed a hand on her breast, feeling it. Something about it intrigued him. The human body has always been fascinating to him and hers was no exception. He kept feeling her breast softly, carefully while relaxing himself to the beating of her heart. He calmly sighed.  _This is nice_ , he thought.

Catherine awoke slowly to the feeling of Jeffrey on her chest, playing with her breast. She yawned, opening her eyes. "Jeff...?" She called him up. "Huh? Oh, sorry..." He immediately let go of whatever it was he was doing. "Hey, easy... I was just letting you know I'm up..." She said. Jeffrey sat up to get his glasses and wore it, looking at Catherine. The blanket covered his waist and hers as well. She smiled softly at him. "You look good in the morning." She proclaimed. Jeffrey blushed. "Thank you, you too. Way better." He complimented her before going down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "What were you doing, Jeffrey?" She asked, stretching a little. "Uh—Just, laying down. Feeling your heartbeat. It's very calming." He said casually, stretching himself as well. "That's nice..." She responded sitting up and quickly go over to hold him from his sides. Jeffrey smiled at this. "Feeling particularly attached this morning, I see..." Jeffrey said with a chuckle. "Uh-uh. Not ashamed to admit it." She said before going over to give him a soft kiss. He loved it.

She kept holding him like that and the two of them was left in silence. A lovely, not at all awkward silence that is. A silence where just having themselves for each other is enough. Jeffrey sighed softly, rubbing her hand. "What is it, Jeff?" She asked, looking up at him. "I have been thinking..." He said before looking at her and softly grabbing her to join him on laying down on the bed again. She gladly did, making herself comfortable in his arms. He held her on his left arm, his right arm placed under his head. Looking at the ceiling, he began talking. "Graduation's in two days, right. And uh... we are gonna go to university and all that. And uh... living life and all that stuff. I don't know... I'm just—scared." He confessed. She rubbed his chest softly as she listened to him talk. "...of what?" She asked. "I don't know—like, what if we broke up and all that. What if we drift apart? What if you leave? And I would be alone yet again. Abandoned. Just like what they always do to me." Jeffrey confessed. He sounded genuinely sad. Catherine sighed deeply. "Jeffrey..." She tried to stop him from having wild thoughts. "No—Kate. Seriously. I am so—so fucking afraid of being left alone again. I don't want that. I don't want people to leave me. I don't want to be thrown away. I don't want to be—to be fucking abandoned. I am just like anybody else, you know? I love to have someone." He kept on going. Catherine sighed.

"Well, I am here, am I not?" She said, looking up at him. "I have told you so many times I won't leave you, Jeff. You mean a lot to me. I care about you a hell lot. Isn't that enough?" She asked. Jeffrey sighed. "I am so sorry. I know. I just—You know how paranoid I can get when it comes to this." He said, confessing his fears. "I'm so glad you're here. Don't leave me, Kate. I won't survive without you." Jeffrey said sincerely. "Aw, Jeff. Stop saying that." She said, going up to give him a kiss. "I will never abandon you. Okay?" She looked at him, smiling softly. Jeffrey nodded with assurance. "Okay." He said before giving her a peck.

***

**REVERE HIGH SCHOOL**

**GRADUATION**

"Take the damn picture, Jeffrey! Come on!" Catherine shouted in encouragement as Jeffrey rolled his eyes to walk over to his dad's side. "There. Take the picture!" He ordered Catherine. She giggled and snapped one of him and his dad. Lionel chuckled, "Thank you, Catherine." He was delighted to have the picture taken. It's graduation after all. 

Catherine put an arm around Jeffrey, "You did great." She said, looking up at him smiling. "Mhm. Yeah." He answered plainly as they walked to where they were supposed to be for the ceremony. She held on to him tightly and for once, he didn't refuse the physical contact in public. It's graduation day and he must keep her happy. As they made their way, he spotted Paula Bates and the rest of Catherine's friends. Well, former friends as they have left her upon finding out that she had been involved in a relationship with him. The girl noticed him as well and flashed a dirty look at the couple. Jeffrey sighed before looking down towards Catherine.

She saw her too and her face immediately changed from that of happiness to pure disappointment and sadness. As they walked passed Paula, Catherine decided to greet her. "Hey, Paula. Happy graduation day. Wishing you good luck for the future." She said, offering a sad smile. Paula sighed. "Yeah right. You too and your nerd boyfriend. Good luck with  _that._ " She said, bitterly. Catherine gulped and sighed deeply. "What did I ever do wrong, Paula?!" She asked, emotional. "Him. That's what you did. Now get out of here!" She shouted at Catherine and that caused her some shock. She sighed deeply and grabbed Jeffrey's hand, dragging them away to their seats.

As they sit down, Catherine looked down most of the time. Jeffrey took notice and sighed. "Kate, are you okay?" He asked, holding her hand in sympathy. "I guess... not really. Paula really hates me, apparently." She said, lowering her voice. Jeffrey looked around before he decided to put an arm around her. "Fuck her." He said, quite sternly. Catherine was surprised to see this side of him. He never showed any intense emotion before. "Don't be angry, Jeff." She said, calmly rubbing his thigh. "I can be as angry as I want to that disrespectful shit that made you sad." He said. Annoyed but keeping his voice down so only she can hear to avoid disruption. She gulped. "It's okay, Jeff." She said, calmly still. "It's not okay." Jeffrey insisted. He was offended. "It's okay. I got you. That's what matters." She responded before giving him a light kiss on the cheek. He sighed softly. Understanding her actions, he decided to leave the problem and focused on the ceremony.

It went on for a good few hours. Catherine spent her time mostly holding his hand, smiling a little at the procession and once everything is don, they went to the parking lot with their respectful parent. Jeffrey with his dad and Catherine with his mum. "It's really funny that we are the ones who show up for our children's graduation. Both of them got half." Lillian joked to Lionel, he chuckled. "Divorce really is something." He added. "Where's her dad?" He asked. "California for some goddamn reason," Lillian answered bitterly. "And your ex-missus?" She asked Lionel. "Somewhere." He said, carelessly. They both giggled over their shared divorce experience. Jeffrey and Catherine looked at each other in both confusion and amusement. "That's one interesting way to bond!" Catherine blurted out in disbelief. Jeffrey does not show any emotion. "Well, we have to bond one way or another. He might be my future son in law for all I know." Her mother joked. Jeffrey blushed and tightened his hold on Catherine's left hand. She chuckled nervously.

Lionel decided to take them out to a pizza place. As they arrived, Jeffrey and Catherine quickly sat next to each other with Catherine being particularly clingy. Jeffrey's a little uncomfortable with the PDA but, decided it's rather amusing. "She's all over me..." Jeffrey said, looking at their parents which were met with a giggle. "Lucky you!" Lionel said in amusement, Jeffrey blushed. They ordered their pizza and the foursome ate in celebration. "So, it's settled then, both of you. Ohio State?" Lillian asked. "Yeah, I mean I've talked about it with Jeff and I think it would be good for us. We can even live together." Catherine said confidently. Lionel looked at them. "Living together? Really?" He asked with a little worry. "Lionel, you shouldn't worry. Jeffrey's got some experience with some certain stuff, I'm sure we can manage." Catherine said with a tease. Lionel almost choked, Jeffrey laughed. "Oh, dad..." He said, before drinking his coke. "My God. Too much information," Lionel said shushing them both. They all laughed at this.

"I told you. Don't worry too much about it!" Catherine said with a giggle as she continued to eat her pizza. "I'm also sure Jeffrey would do great. I will help him." She added. "I mean, yeah, I am in political science but, I will give him moral support at least!" She explained further hinting at their different selected majors. "Alright. As long as you both keep it safe and supportive. I approve." Lionel said in a supportive manner. Lillian nodded in agreement. "Just don't get yourself knocked up while in college, Catherine Alice." Her mother warned her. She rolled her eyes. "My god, mum!" She groaned. Jeffrey smiled awkwardly at their exchange while he was deep in thoughts.

Maybe settling down with her isn't the best thing after all? He wanted so badly to be himself and live his life with a man he would so deeply love. But, society won't accept that. She would be so heartbroken for the fact that he was lying all this time. Why is it so hard to be true to himself? Why is it so damn hard? He sighed as he ate his pizza, silently. The other three people kept on chatting about future plans and all he did was listen—or not really. Well, maybe living with her wouldn't be so bad either? Staying with her and build a family with her? That would conceal his bizarre attraction to the same sex. That's not normal, right? Maybe. He doesn't know and he can't stress this enough. He's so confused.

"...we'll have a blast, won't we Jeffrey?" Catherine asked out of nowhere. "Huh? Oh yeah. Of course. Absolutely." Jeffrey answered with a smile. Not knowing what is it that they would be having a blast on. "Well, I am glad. I hope the both of you last long and continued on the serious path. I am happy for you both." Lionel said with a proud smile. "I'm very proud of you, Jeffrey." He added. "Thanks, dad." He smiled softly.

Everything seems so good now. The future is settled.

It's going to be good, right?  _It must be_.


	10. IN THE END: I Can Only Imagine...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that's left is what's inside her head...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, Catherine's imagined bits and pieces she wished had happened. But, it didn't.

**Reality is painful.**

**The perfect life does not exist**

_"We're getting married!" She erupted in excitement as she jumped to hug her boyfriend. "I know, Kate. I am so glad you said yes..." The blond man looked into his lover's eyes with a satisfied smile. "How could I not?" She said with a hint of tears. Jeffrey quickly wiped it off her cheek. "I love you, Jeff." She said, keeping her eyes on him. "I love you too. I always do." He leaned in to kiss her. "Do you like the ring?" He asked with a small smile. "I do, it's beautiful." She looked at her finger. "I got it especially for you... I have to get the best." He added, looking down at her gleeful face. "I love you!" She proclaimed before giving him one last kiss. We're gonna have a beautiful future, he thought._

**It would have been easier...**

**I thought of the times I should have known...**

**There should have been a way...**

_"You look beautiful, Catherine..." He said as she reached the altar. She smiled shyly from underneath the thin veil covering her face. They said their vows and finally sealed them with a kiss. A day they never thought would come this soon. "I have never been this happy my entire life," Jeffrey said as he looked over to his bride, sitting next to him enjoying the festivities at their reception. She looked at him and smile. "I'm happy that you are..." She replied. "I know I got someone in my life now that will never leave me. That's all it takes to make me happy. I have you. I know you will never leave." He held her hand. "Thank you for staying." He added before kissing her._

**All that's left is regret.**

**But, you can't stop me,**

**From hoping**

**From wishing**

**Imagining.**

_"Meet your daughter, Mr Dahmer." The midwife handed him his firstborn child. His heart was beating so fast, he had created a life. Catherine brought her to this world for him. "Oh God..." He slowly held the little one. "Kate... she's just like you," Jeffrey said as he took a seat, admiring the human being. "She got your lips..." The tired Catherine looked to her left where the proud father and her husband was left in awe of the living, breathing baby they both help deliver to this world because of their love of each other. "She's so beautiful, Kate. I love her. I will keep her safe. I will be there for her." Jeffrey said as he looked at his daughter, his eyes filled with tears of happiness, his cheeks red due to the overwhelming emotion. "And I will be there with you every step of the way," Catherine said as she weakly tried to reach his arm. He looked over with a smile._

**There was a time where**

**It was fine**

**It was okay**

**It was you and me.**

_"Jeffrey! Don't let her stay out for too long!" Catherine shouted from the back porch of their house. Jeffrey and their little girl had been out running, playing on the grass for more than two hours now. It's almost supper and they still haven't wrapped it up. "It's okay, Catherine! We're just playing!" He grinned as he lifted his daughter up for a piggyback ride. The little Dahmer girl laughed. "You like that? I know you do!" He said with a satisfaction. "Run, daddy!" She excitedly commanded. "Weee!" Jeffrey ran around the backyard with his daughter happily giggling. "Jeffrey! Come on!" Catherine groaned in annoyance. He looked at her and laugh stopping himself from running.  "I'm so sorry! We're going in now." He said loudly for her to hear. He got his daughter down and looked at her, "We have to go in or mummy's gonna be furious!" He said, chuckling a little. "Come on, sweetheart." He held on to his daughter's hand as they walked happily inside._

**Now, all that's left is what's inside my head.**

**The things I secretly hope.**

**I know it will never be.**

_"Happy birthday, darling," Jeffrey said as he kissed his wife of more than 20 years. "Thank you, Jeff." She smiled widely. "I will forever be grateful for your presence. Thank you for not abandoning me, staying with me and be here whenever I need you." He expressed, sitting next to her on the sofa. Wrapping his arm around her. "I love you." He said, kissing her cheek. "I love you too," She laid her head on his shoulder. Happy and grateful for the life they have together._

**If only...**


	11. E P I L O G U E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was really the end.

**1994**

**A Regular Visit**

As I sat waiting in the visiting room of Columbia Correctional Institution, I cannot help to feel emotional. Thinking about what could have been. The life we would have. What would happen if the both of us stayed together and did not have a fallout? He was—is my friend. As much as I am broken, I still love him. Both as Jeffrey, my best friend and Jeffrey, the guy I may have feelings towards. The things we might have done and the things I wish could happen to us. I still have some feelings, affections and care for him. But, I also have immense pity and a terrible sense of guilt.

Not long after our graduation, Jeffrey killed a man. I did not know as I was away at the time to visit my father in California. He was alone in that damn house and he found the perfect opportunity to do what he had always fantasized without me knowing. He had kept a secret, a big secret and he was so damn good at it that he fooled everyone. Of course, you know the story. He went to kill more people and I have never imagined that Jeffrey, the one that I cared for so much turned to be such a monster.

I looked down to my hands, playing with it. I don't know why after all this time, I am still nervous whenever I step inside here waiting for him to come out and greet me with his smile. Telling me how glad he is that I made it again to come here. How I bothered to care. Truth is, I am not even bothered. I feel guilty for not being there for him when I should have been. But, sometimes, shit happens, you know? I promised myself I will visit him as frequently as I can and I have been for the past two years. I even followed him along during the trial, of course, I didn't come to the court. I can't handle that. I keep in touch with Lionel during the whole trial process, however. I would be asking how he is doing. He always sent my messages to him and I always hear back from him saying he is well and that it's typical of me to worry but, I don't need to because he can manage.

Everything I told you, it happened. Yes, we even did it for the first time with each other. It was very lovely, at the time. It was very meaningful for me, I didn't know about him. Everything great I told you stopped after high school. The things that went on after that aren't as lovely as our friendship-relationship. We broke apart.

Somewhere along our relationship, we drift off. Mainly because of how irresponsible Jeff gets later on. We lost our way. Well, he lost his and I desperately tried to help him. But, it was all useless. His alcohol consuming didn't stop, he became reckless, he changed so much and he was annoying me. Eventually, I was overwhelmed and I had to withdraw. Little did I know what he had done at that point. How he had became so dark and I didn't even realise.

Then, we entered college. We ended up living apart although not so far off from each other but, as you know, he was awful and dropped out while I stayed. That's the beginning of me not seeing him as frequently as we use to. We still call each other but, I was overwhelmed with university work that I have to set my priorities straight. Eventually, we broke more and more apart.

Then he joined the Army, I never heard from him again during that time. After he was discharged, he spent his time briefly in Florida. Again, no communications whatsoever. He then lived with his grandmother and I never saw him again until 1985. We met, we chatted, he was himself but, I noticed some changes even though I cannot make up what it is, something about him seems very dark and off. I now know that he is far more interested in guys and I understand now. Even though I realised that perhaps half of what we had in high school was a lie. It all makes sense and I congratulated him for finally being true to himself. I was already engaged to be married, I invited him to my wedding which would happen in a few months, at the time.

He never came.

We exchanged letters some months after that but, it stopped after awhile. I sometimes think about how he is doing. His well being. Is he okay? Does he have anyone supporting him? Did he found love? All those things came rushing into my mind a lot. All while I am happily married.

When the news of his crimes first broke out. I was left in a state of numbness. I have never thought that while I was living a normal life, he was being a monster. The Jeffrey I once knew was gone and I was devastated. I was trying so hard to continue about my days but, my thoughts were elsewhere. I kept thinking about how I lost him and how he lost himself. I kept thinking about the pain he went through and the pain that he caused to so many people. I kept thinking about how I missed all the signs and how I was so blind. I, at the time, almost immediately consider myself guilty. Guilty of abandoning him all those years ago.

I still care for him. I will always do. But, you just can't help to think about what you could have done more. Regret came when it's all over. You just can't help to wonder what if you took another path, what if you've done this instead of that, what if you stayed or what if you kept your patience a bit longer.

_Would it make any difference?_

Then the door to the visiting room opened, I looked up and there walking in with his usual dark green prison outfit, Jeffrey with his hair combed neatly. Walking while being guarded. When he saw me, he flashed a smile and went directly to where I sit. I stood up and opened my arms to welcome him with a hug, as always.

"Kate! You made it again!" He said, excitedly as he hugged me. "Of course. I promise you I will come a lot." I chuckled softly as I held on to his embrace. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before letting go of his hug and took his seat. "So, how is it going now?" I asked him. "Oh you know, the usual. I got letters, hundreds of them. I replied to a few. Some people sent me pictures but, I would rather not talk to you about it because, you know..." He said as he hinted on the racy pictures he received which I have expressed in the past that I don't want to know about. "Right. You're quite famous. It's bound to happen." I smiled a little.

"How's Jacob's soccer match?" He asked me. Jacob is my eldest and his soccer match was 3 days ago, I told him about how he would have the match on my last visit. "It went spectacularly well! My boy scored 2 goals!" I boasted with pride of my son's achievements. He smiled widely at that. "That is amazing. How about little Leonore?" He kindly asked about my youngest. "She's about to start walking soon." I updated him on my daughter. "She sounds like a very determined little girl," Jeff commented. "I still can't believe you actually named her that. I love that name." Jeff said, smiling at me. "Well, I love that name too and when you brought that name up on that last visit before I gave birth to her, it stuck with me," I said, being honest about the origin of my daughter's name. He had suggested the name to me during a visit and it was a coincidence that I actually fell in love with the name and decided to use it. "Plus, she really is a little sunshine, living up to her name. She never stopped smiling, Jeff." I added, prompting him to smile even wider.

"That is so great to know. It is some of the most joyful moments in life, to have children. If you really appreciate them, they are wonderful." He said with a kind smile. Ironic, considering his life story. "Your husband is doing well, I hope." He said. "Yeah, Mike's alright. He came home quite late for the past two days because his boss is being quite an ass but, I believe next week should be fine." I said as I sip on my drink. "I am glad." He said with a soft sigh.

"Kate," He called me up and I looked at him immediately. "I have been thinking. A lot. About what happened to us. About our friendship and everything that comes after it." He said abruptly. "It was a very lovely time, wasn't it? Some of it, at least. You made me very happy at the time. You were such a great friend, Kate. It shows until now. You are the only person outside of my family who regularly takes time to visit me. In fact, you visited me a lot, Kate. Sometimes I feel like, I don't deserve it. I let you down. I disappointed you. I didn't change at all. If I were you, I would hate me so much. I ruined everything." He said with such sadness it sounds so pathetic. I sighed deeply and gulped.

"Sometimes I thought about what could happen if I change a little, you know?" He said, sighing deeply. "It could have been so much different. If I, at least, listened to you." He added. I looked at him, agreeing silently. Waiting for what he has to say next. "I still feel like I need to apologise for how I treated you during those years, Kate. I was so lost. I mean, look where it got me now. On one side, I hate myself for doing the things I did to you. On the other, I am glad because you wouldn't have to deal with me and what I ended up becoming." He said with such regret, looking down to his feet.

"I never understand why you felt such guilt, while you shouldn't have to. You have nothing to be tied to when it comes to me and what I wrongfully did. I never understand why you would go all the way here, setting your time for me instead of giving it fully to Mike, Jacob and Little Leo. I don't need- I don't deserve any of the things you did for me. Bringing me blankets, bringing me shirts and books and stuff you think I would love. I don't deserve that. You gave too much, you always do." He said, still sounding so pathetic. Looking up at me slowly.

I held his hand. "I did think about us too, Jeff. Lately, it has been quite frequent. But, you mean a lot, Jeff. You may not think you are. But, you don't have the right to determine whether or not I should love you and care for you as much as I do. That's all mine. I want to do this because I care about you and yes, I do feel guilty for losing that connection with you. But, you can't help what you feel, Jeff." I explained, a matter of factly. "You're still my best friend even if we lost our way some time ago. But, we find our way back together. We have talked a lot ever since. We shared a lot and I think that's great, Jeff. It's great for you and great for me. You just have to learn to accept that you do have someone who loves you unconditionally. And that someone is me, your best friend." I said as I kept holding his hand, rubbing it gently with my thumb. He started holding my hand back warmly. He looked at me and smiled softly.

"I am grateful. That's for sure." He said. "A funny thing came shooting up in my head, last night." He paused, thinking about his words. "What if I decided to just be with you, you know? Maybe I could have had the chance to be better." He looked at me with hopeful eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked, curious. "You know like, what if we... tried and got married and all that. I mean, you're the only one that matters." He answered, shyly admitting his thoughts. I chuckled softly. "Funny. I just thought about that when I walked in here." He looked at me, amused. "Guess we will never know..." He said, smiling ironically. I looked at him, smiling sadly.

"I was just trying to make sense of all this. It's very unnatural, for people who don't understand. For people who read the tabloids and watches TV to hear about how devoted, as I quoted from one of them, you are to me." He said. "Shush. They don't know us. They don't know what we have been through. So, we shouldn't really care for it. What matters is us. Only us." I smiled and he smiled back. "You are right. See, you are amazing, Catherine. You really are." He kept holding my hand. "Thank you. So are you." I said. "Not many people would agree," He said, cheekily. I shook my head in amusement, typical Jeffrey.

"Kate," He made me look at him. "Mmhm?" I wait for what he has to say. " _I love you._ " He said, quite sincerely. "I know you think I don't. I am sorry for causing heartbreak. I don't mean to. I was confused. I was trying to find myself and I'm glad I finally did. I do love you. Maybe not in the most traditional way, as you know, but, you will always have a place in my heart. You're my best friend. You're my only friend. I love you. I just want you to know that." He said that while looking straight at me. "We don't have to be with each other to love each other." He smiled a little and I can feel myself tear up a little because of that. I don't know why but, it feels good that he said that. "Oh... well, you know I love you too. In any ways possible." I said as I tighten the hold on his hand. He did the same.

"I know you do. You always show it to me. I can always see. I was just not really good at appreciating what you did for me." He said as he started softly rubbing his thumb on my forehand. I sigh softly. "Everything we did together, I cherished. I thank you for it. I really do, Catherine. I had many firsts and experiences with you. I am so sorry, once again, for causing you trouble all those years ago." He said, sincerely. "It's okay, Jeffrey. I understand everything now. We were young, we have our own troubles, we were figuring ourselves out. You don't need to be sorry about it." I looked at him lovingly. "I will never get tired of saying this: you are the best, Catherine," Jeffrey said with a kind smile. "I will just learn how to accept it then..." I chuckled a little. We stayed holding each other's hands for a little while.

Somehow, there's something inside me that feels like I need to hold him a bit longer. I have this feeling of not wanting to part for just a little and I can just know that Jeffrey felt the same way because he was the one holding on to my hand so strongly. We kept enjoying each other's simple embrace, trying to soak in the moment, the little moment that we can have. Reminiscing the old times when everything was much simpler. Way simpler. The most significant scenes and events I had thought about earlier suddenly came rushing inside my head again, as Jeffrey and I held on to each other's embrace, emotionally fragile. We held on to each other as if both of us are telling one another of how sorry we are and that this little moment we have, the very short minutes of us being able to see each other, meant so much that all we want to do is do our best to make the most out of it.

The guards signalled us that our time for the day is up. As we stood up, we can't help but go for a hug. Both of us seem to be very emotional. Jeffrey held me so tightly, I can feel his breath on my neck. " _I love you, Kate_. Thank you so much for everything we went through together. I love you very much." He whispered to me. I sighed deeply trying not to cry. "I love you too, Jeff. I always do. You will always be my Jeffrey. My best friend. I'll always be here for you, I promise." I said, can't bear my tears anymore. I sniffled, causing myself to leave a tear stain on Jeffrey's chest. As we let go the hug slowly, he wiped the tears left on my cheeks. "Don't cry, Kate. I'll see you again, okay?" He said with a smile. I nodded. "Okay." I put a strand of hair behind my left ear. Jeffrey kept smiling and just looked at me as if he is trying to memorise me. "See you next time, Kate. Don't miss me too much." He tried to say his goodbye for now, with a little tease. "You wish!" I replied with a chuckle. I can see him giggling a little as he was being escorted out. With that, I made my way out.

**_That was the last I see of him._ **

A week after our last meeting, I saw the news. It shatters me. All of me.

He was gone. Beaten up in a prison bathroom by another inmate who apparently held a grudge against him. I stopped everything I was doing that day and tried to breathe and control my emotions. But, it was no use. I broke down in my living room. Crying, sobbing like a mess. Knowing that we were supposed to see each other in two days. But, there's nothing to look forward to now. As he was not here anymore and that our last meeting was so emotional. Him being so open to me and expressing everything he has in his mind was as if he knew his time was up and he needed to let me know what he really feels before it's too late. The realisation hit me like a brick and I was again, left in a state of numbness after a news about him broke yet again. But, this time, he was ironically the victim.

He's gone. He's really gone. People are celebrating, I know that. I understand that. I know how awful he was and how much of a fucked up monster he turned out to be. Still, he was  _Jeffrey_. The Jeffrey I knew started to show himself again in his later life and it saddens me that this is the way he has to go. But, as I found out later, he really had no wish to live anymore. And when the man who would kill him was beating him to death, he never fought back. He let it happen. He asked for death. He got it.

His memorial service was not easy for me to attend. My husband needed to help me walk because I was so weak, I cannot try to hold myself together. I was offered to say a few words but, I decline because I know all I would do is cry and cry. Lionel came to hug me after it all ended and all I did was crying in his arms. He understands and let me do so while hugging me protectively like I was his own daughter. He knows how I feel and more importantly, I know how he felt too. We both loved him and we both didn't understand him for a while. Not until it's too late.

I was perhaps one of the only few people who mourned and cried for him. But, they don't understand.

There was a Jeff & Kate. 

_**There will always be Jeff & Kate.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the reads and appreciation. The story is now over.


End file.
